ok,
so the wedding went alright, my mom was happy, i guess you can't beat that.
i guess this post won't really matter, most of them don't, i realize i'm doing this to feel like i'm not alone in the world, but after tonight, i'm convinced i am. my brother dropped out of school and is running off to san diego with one of my best friends. my mom's not around and i can't talk to her, i don't want to ruin her honeymoon. my friends are never available to talk to. my friends in sioux falls don't call, no one does anymore. it feels like i have nothing anymore, just a pile of possessions and on one to share them with, i don't have a brother around here anymore, i don't have friends around here anymore. i have nothing. and tonight, for a brief second, for a moment, i had a thought, that hasn't come to me for 10 years...suicide. i don't plan on doing it, it's a cowards way, i'm not a coward. school sucks, i haven't been there for about ...two weeks. everyone tells me to finish, or get a degree. no one has a fucking answer, because i'm done thinking for myself, i'm too crazy to. i'm just dead inside, after your father kills yourself, your mom marries someone you're not fond of, after your brother leaves, after the rest of your family abandons you, after all your friends forget about you, how do you deal anymore? you don't. life's too frustrating for me anymore, it looks like...i'm going to have to start rebuilding. start a new life.
because this life...
has failed for me.
love,