3 days left...
3 days left to the auction of my childhood
few people can say that, i'm unfortunately one of them. everyone wants to have the same house they grew up in, the same parents, and the same friends. to those who actually have that happening in their lives...fuck you for living a lie. i guess i'm angry, yesterday, instead of having a few cool refreshing beverages...i had to move cattle panels, why?
because my dad shot himself, he took a mossberg plinkster .22 pressed it to his neck facing up, and pulled the trigger, because he took the ultimate chicken shit way out. that's why, that's why my life is a mess, one moment nothing, the next moment i'm crying on the phone with my mom while my fist is still bleeding from punching a wall.
my favorite question, how you doing?
"ok"
"not bad"
"i want to take a fire extinguisher and bash someone in the face till there's nothing"
"miserable"
"..."
"i'll be ok"
i think the last one is closest to how i really feel. i still have a harvest basket o'emotions
but saturday, we auction, piece by piece, the last things that tie me to that farm, including the house, then, i walk away and start something else.
that's what's been wrong with me for the longest time, having that one loose thread to take care of, i've made up with almost everyone, except for my father. ironically, my uncle and i discussed me making up with him, the night before. i wonder, sometimes, that if i did make up with him, would he still shoot himself? it's an ongoing puzzle to me. i know i'll solve it someday
...
cd-hope of the states-the lost riots-ever wonder what it's like to lose someone like suicide-listen to this album, i'll end my post with the lyrics to one of my fave songs by them
Don't Go to Pieces Are you tired and are pushed to the side? Are you broken whenever you try? Just get up again and let everyone know You're gonna try your best, and you'll never let go Don't you go to pieces now I need you more than I ever did Don't you go to pieces now I need you all the time Are you angry when you look at the world So desperate it's making you ill Don't be alone or frightened by all that you see There's a million good hearts like you and like me Don't you go to pieces now I need you more than I ever did Don't you go to pieces now I need you all the time Don't you go to pieces now I need you all the time Don't you go to pieces now I need you all the time It's alright to be alone sometimes But please come back tomorrow I need you all the time It's alright to be alone sometimes But please come back tomorrow I need you all the time The people you leave behind Will worry all the time Why don't you realise And why won't you try?
