the name travis means "one who is at crossroads." with that being said i have to wonder, do people actually live their name? because i do. I'm stuck between a heaven and a hell...heaven is going to school and making something of myself and hell is living in my mom's basement. i'm not going to school and i'm not living in my mom's basement quite yet. it's just weird, after being in school (from elementary to now) for 16 years and ...taking a break, is weird, it's like a summer, but not, it sucks, no one knows how much it sucks. i ended up calling my mom up on a friday night and asking..."do you think i'm a failure?" she of course said no and told me to get my shit together. i've wasted 3 and a half years of school on what? worthless shit. my mom thinks i should get back into youth ministry...
it's not that i don't believe in God and it's not that i am not a christian...i just dislike the vast majority of the brainwashed, close minded, homophobic, racist, sheep known as modern christians. (i can judge them...can't i?) BUT, watching kids grow up and not experience that thing called life, just sucks, i've done it before. kids who are too afraid of sinning to make mistakes, to learn the real way, kids who are too sheltered to take in REAL culture such as music and art (none of this christian rock bullshit, it's all a bunch of musical hacks who failed at mainstream anyways). so with all that being said...what else is there for me? another religion? a different location, a new school? new friends?- who don't constantly point out my shortcomings hoping for me to improve on them when instead...it makes me fucking depressed.
yes, i'm ugly
yes, i'm portly
yes, i'm not all there
yes, i don't think as much as i need to
yes, i'm financially and physically irresponsible...
so what.
i'm trying to change
after all
i don't want to be a failure for that long

trav