So, woke up this morning to hard hitting thunder and constant lightning just in time to see the power go out. Tried falling asleep, but failed. Did some internet stuff, power went out again. Bored, I went through my struggling collection of books. I grabbed The Homecoming by M.C. Merril. A book that I had heard about through the grapevine and was told to be careful where I read it, because the people involved are people I see on a day to day basis. (linky: http://unbated.com/tammy.html)

Anyway, I read all 191 pages this morning and truth be told. I am quite saddened for what happened.
-My heart goes out to the author. He really did love her. I felt empathy in a way, after seeing that one girl, you know, that girl, the girl you're in love with and too chickenshit to tell her, make mistake after mistake, but that was all forgiven when she curled up in your arms, because the world is a better place then. But that girl, who always went for the wrong guy.
-My rage goes out to the community that let justice fail. I guess "fuck you" has to suffice for now.
I guess I am outraged that something like this could happen in such a small town...and no one responsible being brought to justice. It's fucking bullshit. It's unfair. Just another example of our court system failing. You don't see shit like this happening in small towns, well you fucking shouldn't. The fact this case has been forgotten is even more ...well, lack of a better word...bullshit(yeah, no thesaurus today). I guess this book more or less confirmed the rumors, the suspicions I had heard about while living in this town. Crooked cops, wealthy families who act above the law because of connections and money. I just want to get out. So... M.C. my heart truly goes out to you and I do pray that you finally find(or have found) peace in dealing with the loss of your friend. I lost my father due to a suicide. Any tragic death that relates to you only leads you to self-blame and guilt. I was brought up Lutheran as well. It gets "easier" in terms of going by day to day. But it's never going to be forgotten. It (for a lack of a better word again) fucking sucks.

But changing subjects because this book did make me dwell on numerous subjects.

But it really, really got me thinking that ugly fucking question...
Do Nice guys really finish last?
It's cliche, i know, but looking back, I'm starting to see a pattern. Why has every girl chose the worst possible guy? Like, I'm a nice guy, I'm well educated, I'm funny, and I'm easily manipulated. But why are guys that treat them like like shit more...appealing? Is it a maturity thing, because even @ 25, women around my age still choose the worst possible candidate. I don't get it. It's rambling, I know. But truth be told, it fucking sucks. Is it that whole genetic thing? Trying to sub-consciously find a stronger mate for strong offspring? Because I believe we have evolved enough to learn better. What do I know anymore? I might as well put research into this. Fuck

Song - Millencolin- A-10
I know in the past i went with albums of the moment, but I just feel this song does justice to my feelings right now.

Feel free to leave comments and feedback.

I've kept way too many thoughts and emotions to myself. I don't like it here. Back in Yankton. Miserable...yet bearable. Broke with no job does suck, but honestly, it's a welcomed break, something I've never really had the last few years. But I think this break is coming to an end. It's a good thing...I hope. I'm bored. I've become lazy. Shit sucks.
See...this is what happens when you postpone a creative feeling. You find yourself stumbling for words to throw on. Almost like they're...filler. I'm not the same man as the one who created this blog to do the hip thing, to express my feelings. This is what got me writing and from there, the only true solace I seem to have anymore. I think I've...grown. It's scary...but good. I think I almost see life in a different light.

Dreams...Do i still have them? I don't know anymore. I don't know what my goals are anymore. I don't know what i want to be when i grow up...still. 7 majors and nothing. Is this my true generation? The generation of those who don't want to have the same timeline as other generations? We don't care about that I guess...I guess we just want to live for now, live for whatever keeps us sane? Because being happy is such a rare thing. Like really happy. Not like that whole grin and nod. Am I too serious? But regardless. I don't care. I don't like the idea of working anymore because everyone around here is a moron. This is the problem of being too educated for certain jobs. If i do get a job, I just get frustrated and I feel trapped after seeing all my coworkers who have been there for 5+ years. I don't like being trapped.
I don't know what I want for my life. I just like taking it one day at a time.
Maybe I should finish school?
Maybe I should keep writing?
dunno.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.
So...sorry for a half assed post.
but to keep up with tradition.
Song of the moment - Ignite "Live for better days"
movie - Akira, forgot how much I loved this film"

but stay tuned in to see how I'm going to deal with being the big 26 and if I ever do...pick my life back up.