it's a new year...again, not a lot has changed, just the usual
friends
family
living arrangements
new debts
new music
new ambitions
new hopes
it's weird, it seems that everytime i get close to rock bottom, something pulls me out of it, whether it be the parent, the bro, or just sheer dumb luck, or occasionally good friends.
this was the first fall in a long time where i didn't completely succumb to depression, am i growing up?
maybe
is it that i have better, supportive friends
maybe
is it that my family is as tight as it used to be
maybe
there's a lot of maybes in life i've noticed
i've said this before, but i mean it,
the name travis means "one at crossroads" that's my whole life
biggest crossroad
the future, always has been
i've been through 7 majors, haven't really liked any
i'm starting to think that it might be a "me" problem
(it actually is)
there are two parts of me constantly at war, the productive, optimistic type who tells me such things as "computer science IS for you"
then the other part, the counter-productive, pessimistic type, who is extremely bigger than the other part tells me it was a mistake, a big mistake, no one likes you in this class, it's a dead end field...etc
i listen to the pessimistic part...too much
failing at life has been the only thing i've "succeeded" at, but recently
i've managed to write a script, i'm going to film and direct it, i have a few friends who are down with it, i think i've passed their expecations, but i'm constantly thinking of how i can pull it off, you know
equipment, capital, the necessities
and i'm getting a lot of encouragement from friends,
but more from myself
to honor this blog
and this life of mine, i even named it failing at life
i hope it does alright, if it makes a film festival, i'll be happy
oh yeah
michelle
i hope you're reading this
comment me and give me your addy or website, i'd like to talk to someone who feels the way i do
because it just struck me, michelle is the name of one of the main characters in my script
coincidence?