who would've thought that me, of all people, would be enjoying the west coast so much. i'm happy...
ok, for some of you, that's a shock, for others...well, it is a shock, i'm genuinely happy out here. sun is warm, people can drive, there's culture, the women are incredible, and i have a job. i have a fucking job, and i'm looking forward to it. my only problems...hmm, fashion valley, try going there to look for a job looking like me. i walked into express only to have some asshole stare at me like i don't belong...paranoid, i thought i was until i stood outside kenneth cole waiting for jeff to grab an app only to have the guy stare at me as well...ok so i stick out...but someday, i'll lose all my weight, have money, and be able to walk into the same store and treat them like shit.
oh yeah, i like bmw's, always have, great cars. so, i went with jeff and nicole to look at mini coopers (bmw makes them) so we stop at the bmw dealership in escondido and looked around, we walk into the main office and the first guy says...well nothing, he ignores us, the second guy asks us if he can't point us in the right direction...
haha, i love it out here, when i do start making some fucking money...these people will be my bitches...
music...Panic! at the disco - a fever you can't sweat out - ok, it's a bit emo and a whole lot of awesome...i'm hooked, very upbeat stuff, just a great album, super catchy...a must buy

ok, so after 36 hours in a car, i made it to San Diego on wednesday at 2 am, the last few days have been pretty much me settling in, handing in applications like crazy, and enjoying the fuck out of this place. it has been nothing but great, i've gotten to see the downtown, experience an awesome italian place as well as your typical "hip" club/restaurant. am i happy? you have no idea. i drove here on nothing but sheer excitement and i have not been let down yet. today, i got to see the ocean, and it was amazing. i'm incredibly inspired to do a lot out here and experience everything i can.
music-the essential bob dylan .
movie-none yet
well, it feels like another door has closed...and a floodgate has opened
those of you who are my friends, i'll miss you every day
those of youwho aren't...go to hell and be sure to enjoy the midwest

i'm sorry that i could not stay and tell you this in person, i thought a blog post would suffice, but i am leaving you. after 22 years with you, i realized that you aren't the one for me. we may have had some great times and all, but sd, we weren't made for each other, you are not my soulmate, and in fact you are a very cold, vaspid individual. so....
FUCK YOU
ok, enough of that shit, i have an hour left to go before i leave, weird huh? i'm gone, i'm packed, my apartment's clean, and i'm just out of here, i've said my goodbyes to those that mattered, i've ignored the ones that don't, the last few days i realized who my true friends are, the ones that actually bother calling me and wishing me a happy trip. but i'm gone, i've had it with this state, with these people, i just need something new. keep watching my blog, i'm planning a change very soon.
love and miss you all,
travis

what are things that took place tonight?

ok, so it's early in the morning, can't sleep, i'm worried to death about student loans, after finally checking my mail, my anxiety sometimes gets to the point where i can't even look at my mail...too many bills, and found several student loan notices, i have to call them monday and declare like a hardship because...well, because this year SUCKED, and i need to move beyond that. it's weird, a few months ago, nothing phased me, now...i tend to panic, stress out over little things...

yeah, it sucked, it's over.
in retrospect...i feel a lot older, a lot wiser, and hell. alot more mature after having just a tough year. this year made me realize that things can all fall apart in a matter of a day and it takes months, even years rebuilding. i learned to choose your friends wisely, i made some poor choices, and i made even less wise ones when it came to friends. i learned that a family who is always there for you is priceless even when it seems they aren't. i learned that anti-depressants don't work, but better friends and better sleep work. i also learned that life has a funny way of working out.
i've changed many ways just trying to figure myself out, got tattoos, weapons, bikes, read more, listened to a lot of music, and i realized that know matter what we do, figuring out one's self is something that comes over time.
and now
some media recommendations
(and since i don't post often, i'm recommending a bunch)
for music:
iron & wine/Calexico split...
get it, it's so goddamn good
low - the great destroyer
great music to sit back, light a cigarrette and think
ben folds five - unauthorzied biography of reinhold messner
honestly, one of my all time favorite bff albums, it's that kind've cd you put in your cd player late night after all your friends have gone home and you're stuck by yourself in your car with a pack of smokes and a half tank of gas....
MOVIES-
ok, so i've been packing a lot, and taking trips, so not many movies...