I guess i got a camera phone...so, expect to see. more of me, and my world.
I look so happy, don't I?
oh yeah
music
AFI - Art of Drowning...fucking great album, hasn't left my car for the last few days, i dig it, if you like punk, a high recommendation
movie
Crash-recommended
(reminded me too much of magnolia though (for some reason))

ok, there has been some things bothering me (but if you keep up with this blog, everything bothers me) but i'm utterly convinced that my mom is marrying some gold digging fag (now, normally i'm opposed to this word, but in his case, anyone who's doing this to my mom, deserves worse). i've heard from several accounts of him hitting on guys at bars (even hitting on my downstairs neighbor troy) now, who do i trust? do i tell the truth, or do i let it all fall down? i'm going to sit on it now, but i still plan on doing some recon into the situation, maybe i'm paranoid.
speaking of annoying neighbors...(bad segue) but my neighbor shows up teetering from a massive hangover, he then goes on to tell me that he had his ass beaten at a bar by "a big fucking indian savage" while the bartender let it happen. whatever. later someone pounds at my door, usually troy announces he's at my door, but it was a different knock, so ok, who comes to see me at 11:00 pm, most of my friends are in the dorms, and other friends would call. so, i grab for the bat, crack open the door, and it's troy, he wants to quit drinking, whatever. i'm not gullible, people don't change, i told him to go to AA, he told me he needed a friend who would help him get over this sickness, i kept recommending AA, well, because...i have enough of my own problems, i don't want to have to deal with someone else's, especially an alcholic, i've dealt with one. a female though, try getting your heart broke by someone who likes alcohol more than you...it really crushes a guy. so, regardless of gender and such, i'm not going through it again. i'll move if i have to, change my number.
news...i'm getting my ears repierced, i'm going to 10 gauge and working my way up, why? i'm masochistic and i hate the smell of leather... and i'm also getting more tattoos.
school-going fine, when i go, i need to get more sleep, it's not working.
here's my recommendations for the week
Music-the dismemberment plan-Emergency & I, it's one of those albums that best represents myself, especially my moods, it has your super happy moments, and your reflecting moments. it's gorgeous, a must for anyone who feels quarantined from this world.

movie-i'm still trying to finish my epic japanese movie...i'll get back to you

well, it's time for bed...i think, only if my body allows it, i'll talk to you all later
with much love...

aww, it feels good to take a break, i went up to mitchell for the weekend, hung out at my friends' tattoo shop. i managed to find a kitty in the alley and gave it a home, drew up a design for a tattoo that is now permanetely on someone...it's a good feeling, and i also enjoyed homemade eggrolls. Sunday i headed back to yankton, but stopped in a small town to visit a grave.
i did, and i decided to have a "talk" with my deceased father. i told him what i truly felt, that suicide is truly a chickenshit's way out, i told him that he abandoned us, even before we abandoned us, i told him, he sucked as a father, he really did. but i told him there were many great memories i'll keep with me forever. because years back, he did try, in recent years, he gave up. he was really good at that.
tonight, we go to pick out a headstone for him. it's weird. after that conversation, it feels like a great weight taken off my chest. i don't feel like a new man, but i feel something positive. there's still a gap in me from not having a father that cared, i know that someday it will be patched up.
school's still school. i think i like it more now. after switching majors, i feel, well better accepted, as a computer science major, i now have a comradery among fellow geeks, i dig it. i do not care if someone does label me a "geek." sure, i do like things such as video games, cowboy bebop, films, music, etc. i like a lot of stuff, and i think it's all good stuff, and that's all that matters.
but, simpsons is on, i have got to head out, but once again...i leave you some recommendations

music - Mike Ness - Under the Influence - social distortion front man's solo album, he used this album, i guess, as a sort of homage to his influences, mostly honky tonk, still cool shit. tracks to check out - funnel of love and the honky tonk version of Ball and Chain- it truly rocks

movies - haven't watched any new movies in a bit, i still have a lineup of shit i need to watch, and i'm working on it BUT, i will recommend something different...

Spoken Word - Henry Rollins - think tank & get in the van - great stuff, think tank is mostly rants and raves but funny as hell, get in the van is his life with black flag, both are worth a listen

but i've already missed 7 minutes of simpsons

so bye

ok, so usd fucked up my transcripts, i'm getting more money...yay...
i haven't had a REAL post in a while, so, here it is. i'm off my meds, because i've decided that human beings are meant to overcome their personal demons, a little pill shouldn't do it. how do i feel? raw. abandoned. lonely. annoyed. i'm decent at least. why raw, because it seems like every day is some sort of battle with stupidity, everything from certain financial aid fucking up your trancripts to a certain mother of mine who's marrying a piece of shit, ok, i've said it. i've been beating around the bush but i've said it. i just don't think he's good enough to marry my mother, but what man is. hell, even my real father never deserved her. abandoned-everyone is doing something else with themselves. bro is in college, best friend is in college, mom's too busy with her new life. annoyed-by my POS neighbor who comes over, drunk all the time and i don't feel like beating him so he never comes back-and i don't want to go to jail again.
positives-i got a bike, a custom yamaha v-star classic, my dream bike, well it looks like my dream bike. i just need to learn how to ride it. but it's this beatiful orange with flames and betty page is painted on the gas tank.
well, that's my life in a nutshell for now
still a mess
but hey...what real life isn't?
sidenote-after hours of watching CSI and playing super smash brothers: Melee-my dreams started revolving around who killed mario...i need a g/f

music-Fugazi-Instrument-a really cool album dedicated to nothing but...well, instrumentals. it plain old rocks and sets a great mood, get it, put it in your car, and drive for miles

movie-hmm, haven't seen anything "new" for a bit, but if you haven't seen it-be sure to watch Boondock Saints-awesome movie, buy it, watch the deleted scenes-i love the scene with the mother

but hope all is well with you all, keep reading-i might sooner or later have something insightful to say