i did it, i came through for a friend, i payed him back the money i have owed him for several months...i came through and proved something...i'm good on my word. I also proved something to myself, i can make things happen, i have control of my life...but with that all being said.
i have internet
that makes me happy. maybe
why the "maybe?" well, i realized i have a problem. well, i've known about this problem for quite a while, but now it's gotten to the point where i needed to fix it. depression (can't tell by my blog eh?) and after several phone calls to my mom which ended up in me crying and screaming feeling like life was out of control. after feeling my temper getting the best of me-something that hasn't happened for almost 10 years. i realized something wasn't firing like it used to. i did the thing i didn't want to do...get put on anti-depressants. it was either that or be committed-i chose the less...well, i chose the better i think, still another week to go by and see if they're working.
job...i don't want it, i want to go back to school so i DON'T have to sit in a fucking cubicle ever again surrounded by bitchy women who think i'm an idiot...i do have those tendencies-granted, BUT, i'm serious when it comes to work, after being yelled at for reading between calls and emailing and for being written up for being a minute late...i need new employment, i need positive employment. my stress levels are constantly rising, the meds aren't working on that, that's something i have to take care of, but after going through a day being yelled at by sup's and cardholders...i want something else.
oh, other news...the big one, the big rant in which i throw my feelings into the ring so everyone can show people my TRUE thoughts, my mom's getting remarried, how do i feel? weird, i'm so happy for her, i truly am...(here's the but) but in recent events over the last few months...i don't need any big news, (positive stress is still stress) the guy seems like an alright guy, she's known him for a while and he has kids too. they've been living togehter for a month as "roommates" but it ended up ... well more than roommates. overall, good on my mom, she deserves a good man
but i need to get to bed...and hit the pavement for jobs...again.
if you're a friend, and read this, comment, i like to see who's REALLY keeping tabs haha.
love all

just for those who aren't familar with the concept of a "blog" (which stands for web log). a blog is used for several purposes. this particular blog is used as a way of venting and coping with everyday stress and not so everyday stress. it is not used to impress people, if i was really trying to impress people...well, there'd be more than 529 hits on my site (and i've only had this since october). once again, i use this for venting and coping with stress.
i do apologize if i did offend any of you over the past, but usually when i do type this all up, i'm not in a good state. i'm a wreck at all times until i post on here, it's giving my stress to something. i try to be funny on occasion, because humor is always good for the soul, but i know when to be funny and when not to be funny.
pissing your brother off when you're not on so great of terms as it is-is one of those moments when not to be funny.
Jeff, i doubt you'll ever read this again, but if you ever do...i love you, you are my brother, come back around, i need someone else.