as of 3 pm, tuesday, my bro has left the cold and institutional hands of the state hospital in yankton. life is getting better, midco still looks promising, best buy is giving me more hours...things always look better when you've hit rock bottom. classes are consistent, i'm about a c student so far, i need to do better, this semester has been too much of a dick around one, my apathy has caught up. i'm constantly broke, i go to a school that is about 18,000 a semester, i can't afford it (well i can BARELY) and i have to sit in the same room with two things i hate and will stand against. 1.)rich kids, i fucking hate rich kids, i hate them i hate them i hate them, i pray for a drug overdose or something, these kids don't know what it's like to work. they don't know what RAMEN tastes like (delicious). they haven't had to do shit jobs such as a courtesy person at econofoods (bagger). some kid drives a brand stinking new honda s2000, he's a freshman, need i say more.
and
2.)baptists, baptists annoy me, they don't have an extensive background as do well...catholics and lutherans (i'm a lutheran looking to be a catholic...i'm strange). baptists are annoying for several reasons, they're close minded-in a class of 50, two people including myself and Asher, the coolest gay guy in the world, are in support of gay marriage. I seem to be the only one who has ever tried drugs or admits to masturbation, (men, we all do it, get over it). they are judgemental-my friend had a prayer chain done to him because he wrote in article in the campus paper about his hatred of mice...
i could go on all day, but i won't. i just hatenot having people around that i love and care for, all my friends are either a.)not in this town or anymore or b.) don't go to this school. no one seems to talk to me (i think it's because i dress like grunge is still in...). but i must go away now, i feel some halo craving coming in. love you all, thanks for reading my blog.
trav
oh yeah, this is my friend's blog.

after having a long day of nothing, the weird happened, i got three phone calls, one was from an employment agency, offering me 2 jobs, woohoo, the next one was from the greatest girl in the world, Tanya, about a concert back in my home town/3rd world, the third one, was from a very nice job, i had a over-the-phone interview...it went well, i go in monday, if i get this job...hallelujah. my head itches, i'm getting angry, i need better shampoo, or a hair cut. yes, this blog needs a fucking face lift, it's lame, its so lame...that this makes mine look better. people have way too much time on their hands. grr, i need sleep, and i have to fucking turn this midterm in, shaun beckons me for some editing question that i'll pretend to know...so for now though,
love
trav

after a well rested weekend, i have made my journey back into civilization, back into a world with more fryn' pans and 24/7 walmarts...
the bro is going to be stuck in HSC for maybe 2 to 4 weeks more...drat. that place is going to make him crazy, and they keep on edging him on, i'm just waiting for them to make him snap and make him go to that "little cushy room." oh well, if it's for his best, i should not complain, should i? this week is hte week where i get things done, i have to a.) find a third job, b.) get a hair cut, c.) finish the boy scout project d.) get classes taken care of, i've neglected school for far too long.
saturday night was what i needed in a while, sit around with friends, watch them consume their addictions, play halo (1337), watch drama unfold, goof around (such as having a paintbush/spoon match with my friend andy) . most importantly, getting to hang with the mom, good times. by the way, thanks kitty kariall, you made my day :). people, please comment...or i'll be more depressing (is that possible). oh yeah check this out. i hate christian music (with the exception of Five Iron Frenzy and Calibretto)...because i'm anti-evangelical. overly religous people are annoying.
i used to be like that, then i grew up. i've done everything except play with snakes and speak in tongues (or gibberish for those who are realistic). i've been to youth rallies, i decided to WAIT until marriage (which was another way of saying, most women won't fuck me, now-i just don't care), i've played in praise rallies, i've read most of the bible, i've been prayed over, i've given my testimony numerous times, i went to a baptist school (still do) to become a youth minister. but after having the church tell me right after we left my father at the farm for beating us and calling us all worthless pieces of shit, that God would like us to be one big happy family again. and after being constantly annoyed by baptists, i gave up. but i'm hinking catholicism WoW is for me....seriously.
anyways...with my opinions and blah blah, love you all.
and vote, make a difference. right now is where i'm supposed to say DON'T VOTE FOR BUSH, but...i'm going to say, honestly, vote for someone who knows what they're doing (i.e., no draft).
trav


don't vote bush-draft bad, war bad, fundamentalist against gay marriage-very bad.

right about now, i hate alot of things. usually this time of year is my favorite. but this time, just sucks. being home just makes me more depressed, i met up with the ex tonight, i'm a glutton for punishment-it always seems awkward, but when there's no one else-it doesn't matter. my bro is locked up in the state hospital for killing himself because of worthless friends and an even more worthless father. sometimes, one can't help feeling alone in the world. like no one gets you. the only reason i want out of this state (besides the constant redneck persuasion and the "get er done" lifestyle they lead) because there's no one for me. sure, i have friends, but it just seems there has to be something more than this. working dead end jobs for next to nothing, my mom works more hours than i do, fuck best buy.
i know, i sound depressed, but i can't help it,it's just this time of year. at least it's not winter yet. the pan was great in yankton tonight, saw a bunch of people and i actually LEFT when the bar rush hit, nothing worse than seeing people in their 30's reliving their frat and high school days. they're like the guys in high school that drove camaros and played football, now they're working at car washes and other wastes while their successful classmates are in suburbia with their suv's and soccer nazi children. people are boring, haha.
link of the day www.monkeyfarts.org, there's a ton of great stuff off of there. otherwise than that, tv seems interesting, so does random internet browsing. keep reading, i'm bound to be interesting sooner or later.
trav

classes, i have yet to understand their importance...actually i do, i just don't feel like it anymore. this week has shown me a lot. i need to get out of this state, and never come back (except for thanksgiving and christmas). i barely have anything left here, my friends aren't all that plentiful, BUT, they are great nonetheless. i saw one of my friends at the pan ,he had just got back from visiting a mutual friend from Maine, when asked how the friend in maine was doing, the guy said a lot better than us. it just struck me, that this really is a hell hole. if anyone from the midwest is reading this, do yourselves a favor, get out, everyone needs to leave this wasteland filled with fundamentalist, flag waving, bush loving, nascar watching, un-original retards. i fucking hate this state. ...fuck
trav

i'm steps away from being finished with the infamous boy scout project, after having it deleted by an asshole professor, i'm moments away from putting the rough draft on disc and going from there, wish me luck. oh yeah, my brother's doing a lot better, depending on the doctor's decision, my bro might have to go the whole route to health again which means him being in the state hospital from anywhere to 30 to 60 days, but, if it's needed, it's needed. hopefully medicaid kicks in as well.
anyways...i'm almost done, the professor is down stairs right now, i'm waiting for him to come up here.
but for now..courage
trav

ever have one of those days? you know, the one where you sleep till 5 pm, watch simpsons, play gta 3 for 2 hours, watch invader zim all because you don't care...maybe just me. at 10:30 pm-ish, i got a call from the mom, telling me to get some more hours and finish my boy scout promo video-yeah i know i have to do this...then she says listen to me carefully...ok, i thought-more lecture. as of tonight, you're brother is in the HSC (human services center) after trying to kill himself...we all know what happens next, everyone has this feeling-where your stomach swallows your heart-you become short of breath-you reach for your nearest addiction (in my case, a cigarette) and start trying to cope. turns out, my brother has been suicidal for quite a while, no one's really bothered telling me until tonight. depression does run in my family, runs rampant in fact. jeff has told me he has tried before, and being the self-absorbed prick, i failed to realize the cry for help. after have friends treat him like shit, not being able to get off of work for his band competition, and running over a cat, these things set him off (there are several factors of course). for once in several months, i felt something, i'm a very cold and un-emotional person (i'm just dead inside)and for once, i literally had a wake up call. i need to start earning money to take my brother's income's place. i need to get organized so my mom's tumor markers go down (stress affects this). i think the topper to all of this would be a relapse of cancer for my mother...wouldn't that be perfect???
i hate days like this, where reality slaps you in the face with stress-it's like-here, you're failing at everything else-here's some more!!! i'm starting to think this really is a higher issue-i haven't been to church in forever, i turned my back on the ministry-i wonder if this is some evil heavenly master plan to get me back into good terms with God. i really really wonder. i guess we'll find out sooner or later. that's the one thing i hate-i'm still a christian in a loose sense, i still believe in God, i always have and always will, i've just been through so much, i don't know if holding on to a higher power is me just believing in something to get me by, or is there truly a higher being that gives a shit about us? these are the questions that always run through my head...aside from the "why don't women find me attractive?" ordeal. turns out, i'm not attractive to attractive chicks, but to shut-in girls, i'm the best thing ever. oh that reminds me, fuck you maddie you shut in piece of shit, i have no one else ot take this out on except you, there, displacement, fun for a boy and a girl.
well, i'm off to work on that fucking project, if it's gone, deleted, or missing, i'm fucking going to wake that professor up tongiht, or break his fucking car's windshield with a baseball bat. anyways...stress leads to tons of illness and overall health problems, smoke instead, it's better in the long run.
trav

this is my blog, isn't it exciting??? i thought not. anyways...
my older blog can be viewed at... cliffordmao.journalspace.com
what to say, not much, it's a friday night, i'm bored as hell, this whole being stuck in the midwest thing...isn't great. so i'm trapped in debt, so i'm doomed to be a slave in the system for the rest of my life...at least i have my true love...oh wait, that's right, turns out the women in this state...suck. well, most of them, this state is filled with your run of the mill, we look like mtv, girls. i'm bitchy...i know, and by now, you probably realize this...this is life though, people don't have blogs to talk about their common days, people have blogs to bitch, to confess, to entertain, all of my purpose. so, describing myself, i'm a college student, and i don't want to be, college is a joke, it's ...a pattern like everything else is. go to grade school, then force yourself through the agony and torture known as high school. graduate and go to college, just to show your classmates that you are better than them. does this work?
in a way, yes and in a way, no. because you have to stay in school for four years, five in my case. college comes around, for people like me...it's just like high school, except i can now smoke and deal with porn (legally of course). classes are mandatory, you don't have to go, but you're just wasting public and loan money. this is a time, to discover who you truly are...or just think that in order to consume alcohol and fun narcotics. roommate placement, what a joke, getting paired with a preppy reagan youth soccer playing baptist blows ass. but anways, flash forward to three schools and six major changes later, and already unsure about the one you're on, life does tend to suck. anyways...moving on, i'm depressing, i'm cynical, but hey, at least i'm still alive.
the one, the only,
trav